Schlumpy Mud-faced Sucker!!!

So I took Marie to the Arrowhead Mall last night. She, like me, likes to shop on her own - then you don't feel rushed or anything. So, off I went on my own walking down the mall. I walked past a kiosk mid-mall and this woman said, "would you like a sample of our lotion" and held out a sample to me. I said "sure" and reached for the lotion...at which point she grabbed my hand and said, "you bite your nails!" I know, it's a gross, nasty nervous habit that I have had for probably 35 years. It is how I cope with life. So she pulls me closer to her (I have a thing about personal space, so at this point, I was very uncomfortable.) She starts buffing my nail with this buffer thing and telling me how she too used to bite her nails. As she continues to buff my thumbnail and stand way too close to me, she asks what I do, etc. and goes on to say stuff like, "we always want to present ourselves positively. Caring for yourself, shows others they that you matter...blah, blah, bla" I get it, I am schlumpy and I have bad nails. I will take your magic buffer made from the precious minerals of the dead sea. So then she tries to sell me 3 kits for the price of 2...No, I just want 1. Then she says, "I want to tell you something woman to woman. See these black spots on your face and blemishes?" Great...now what? Pimple dot-to-dot. Please woman, step out of my bubble of personal space. She goes on, "This mud mask can help you and make you look your best. You take this home tonight (for a sizable cost) and I promise you will come back and thank me tomorrow." Needless to say, in an effort to try to pull my wounded self-esteem from the depths of the Dead Sea mud (which is filled with precious minerals) and regain my personal space, I payed an amount too great to post publicly, but definitely enough to make me sick to my stomach walking away with my bag of wonders. When I got home I told Timm, "I got something for both of our birthdays!" (That's a line I have heard from him several times over the past 15 years when he brings home an XXL shirt - "we can both wear it") He just shook his head and said, "you won't pay $10 for good shampoo, but you paid that for this?" So...You be the judge. "Mud on my face, a big disgrace"? or "I'm too Sexy for my Milan"?
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